For a moment,
Before I’m fully awake
With eyes still closed
Mind still lingering in dreams…
You’re still here.
I can almost hear your voice nearby
Your laughter echoing down the hall
Footsteps making the floor creak
And the promise of a hug in the air.
But when I open my eyes
And come fully awake…
You’re not here.
How tempting it is
To squeeze my eyes shut
Bury my head beneath the covers
And refuse to accept the reality without you…
I can’t do that.
The world needs me
Little ones depend on me
They need to hear my voice
Feel my hugs
Share my smiles and echo my laughter.
So I rise…
And face another day without you.
I am blessed to have this day
This day and all the days that follow.
Must fill my life with love
Live it to the fullest.
That’s what you want me to do
It is what you expect of me…
To honor your life and spirit.
Though I can no longer touch you
I still feel you.
You’re the breeze cooling my skin
The moon shining in the night sky
Hawks circling above the treetops
Butterflies skimming among the flowers
The brightest rainbow after the darkest storm.
In all of that, I see you…
And know that I’m not alone.
For a moment
I think I hear your voice
The words you speak
Bring tears to my eyes.
A promise of “I love you.”
The reassurance that
“You are strong.”
You know I’m strong
When I can’t see it myself
And that’s enough
It has to be enough
For me to keep going
Welcoming every dawn
Cherishing those I love
Helping you to live on
For this moment…
This is what happens when I write poems at 4 in the morning…
This Night is a Rap 6/3/12 4:17 a.m.
Texting, drop the phone on my face
Tossing, got my hair out of place
Rolling, calf cramped up like a glitch
Fumbling, can’t find the dang light switch
Walking, or hobbling down the hall
Meowing, cat about makes me fall
Drinking, water spills down my chest
Gazing, mirror shows no good rest
Grumbling, step around yellow dog
Laying, mind is lost in a fog
Thinking, ceiling fan on or no
Sweating, air movement is a go
Sighing, sheets are nice on bare skin
Smiling, my bed is so much win
Breathing, this is what life’s about
Loving, though I’m all inside out
Dreaming, never can know what comes
Hearing, thunder as the rain drums
Laughing, though such nights are a test
Knowing, all I give is my best
Closing, eyes are so tired and spent
Puzzling, what fate for me is meant
Longing, for one whose heart still glows
Missing, the girl that no one knows.
Below is poem I wrote years ago that is still one of my favorite pieces. I’ve posted it on my old blog and on my Helium.com page in the past. I was thinking this morning that it might need a more recent revamp. While it still holds true, there is so much more to being “That Woman” in the life I have now.
I wonder what it is like to be “that woman.”
The woman who walks in the room
and demands everyone’s attention.
The woman with the dark eyes,
full of mystery and magic
that draw in both men and women,
and makes them yearn to know the secrets hidden within.
The woman with the cascading raven hair
that evokes ballads from minstrels and sonnets from poets.
The woman who leaves a nearly physical spirit behind
with anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to touch her.
The woman whose vision lingers in dreams
and whose voice echoes softly amidst whispers.
The woman with fingers tender enough
to caress the most delicate of mists
and nails hard enough to pierce the harshest of stones.
The woman whose influence is remembered
when her existence has long faded.
The woman men rally to defend
though she possesses her own strength for battle.
The woman who runs drenched amidst a thunderstorm
to challenge the lightning with her fists.
The woman whose passion is not seen with eyes
but perceived by souls.
The woman whose laughter can illuminate the darkest of days
if only in a memory.
The woman who can carry the heaviest and saddest of hearts upon her shoulders
without a single faltering step.
The woman who lingers on the edge of darkness
while clinging to the shadows of moonlight.
The woman who cherishes the girl of her past
while knowing that she is intertwined with the goddess of her future.
That woman within and without me.