What the heart wants

My Dad cooking in the kitchen of my childhood home.

My Dad cooking in the kitchen of my childhood home.

This afternoon when I woke up from my nap and was snuggling with Angel before finding the strength to get up, I realized exactly what I wanted to make me feel better. I wanted my father to make me my favorite comfort meal of mashed potatoes and chicken and then sit down and talk to me about anything. I miss the sound of his voice and I miss hearing about everything he knew in that amazing mind of his. I wouldn’t care if he talked about wars, trains, planes, or the origins of math, I just wanted his company. Alas, what the heart wants isn’t always possible.

My pup and the kittens have been doing their best to look after me but snuggles and shadowing aren’t the same as making me chicken soup or getting me fresh water. I’ve heard that knowing exactly what you want is the first step toward getting it but that doesn’t work in the case of wanting my father and I know that. I like to imagine that there’s at least one guy out there who would be willing to take care of me like my dad did, but perhaps that’s a fantasy. Maybe what I’m looking for only exists between daddies and daughters and men my age are all like my ex: babies when they’re sick and in need of my TLC but unable/unwilling to take care of me when I feel unwell. Perhaps when a once-beautiful chick with a healthy flush in her cheeks and pep in her spirit turns pale, tired, and slightly whiny, she loses all her appeal. Perhaps the whole idea of being with someone through thick and thin is just a fantasy these days or something that just doesn’t apply to me.

I admit, being sick brings out the “wuss” in me and I long for what I don’t have. Even sick I’m capable of taking care of myself, but it would be nice to have someone to help me when I don’t feel good. To acquire at least some of what I really wanted today, I went out, bought a little rotisserie chicken, then came home, and made Potato Buds like my dad used to do. Well, kind of like my dad used to do. In my semi foggy state I misread the directions and added more milk than I was supposed to, but they turned out edible eventually. I then cut some breast meat and a drumstick from the chicken, spooned some mashed potatoes onto my plate, poured myself a glass of eggnog, and settled in the living room to watch an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation while I ate.

Like the “superwoman” I am I did all my freelance work today despite feeling tired, sore, and foggy. I won’t be walking Jazzmin daily again until I feel better because my body obviously needs and wants rest. Thankfully, Jazz doesn’t have a great concept of time so as far as she knows it could have been 30 seconds or 30 years since our last walk. We’ll get back out there eventually and I’ll find my stride again, but for now, I’m snuggling with my furbabies on the couch watching The Nine Lives of Christmas on Hallmark Channel. I’ve seen it three times now but it has the cute guy who played Superman in one of the more recent remakes and it’s about how he falls for a chick kind of like me with no life, a cat, and a love for large quantities of ice cream. Even if such things only happen in movies, it’s nice that a hopeless romantic like me still appreciates the notion.

kitten in bed

Angel wasn’t eager to get out bed today.

Date yourself!

When dating oneself, one can eat an entire dessert!

When dating oneself, one can eat an entire dessert!

It’s Friday night and I have a hot date lined up…with myself! While some of you reading this might be going “Awww, that’s so sad!” I assure you that it isn’t sad. Dating myself is one of the smartest things I’ve ever done and I highly recommend it!

I’m not actually going anywhere tonight and my “hot date” consists of college and freelance work followed by some beading and then dinner of leftovers and homemade wine. I’ll probably watch one of my favorite Marvel superhero movies like The Avengers, Iron Man (all three are good with me!) Thor (again both good!) or maybe an X-Men flick. I just watched Captain America 2 earlier this week, but otherwise it would be on the list. Again, I can hear some readers muttering things like “That’s kind of pathetic.” But honestly, it’s not.

What IS pathetic is someone settling for someone else who doesn’t actually deserve them because they’re terrified of being alone. Seriously, people, that’s no way to live! I admit that it took me a couple years to become truly comfortable with being alone, but for the most part, I finally am. I think it’s vital that a person be comfortable alone before they even consider sharing themselves with someone else. If you’re not okay on your own then you just end up clinging to the other person and that creates all sorts of relationship issues and the dreaded use of the word “needy!”

My apparently formerly “needy” nature was what ultimately led to me dating myself. It happened almost by accident. I’d been texting with a guy I met on Plenty of Fish and we’d decided to meet up and see the newest Marvel superhero movie. Right after we decided that, he stopped texting me and I never heard from him again. Nonetheless, I decided to put my “big girl panties” on along with a nice summer dress and head out to the movie solo. I’d foolishly hoped he’d still show up, but he didn’t and I’ll never know why. I can only assume I was overly enthusiastic about the date, that translated to the dreaded “needy” and he was scared off. Regardless, that was the first time I was stood up and the first time I saw a movie on my own. Both were life-changing experiences!

Before I go any further, I will admit that yes, I’ve been on just about every online dating site there is. I’ve been on OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Zoosk, Fitness Singles, Match, and even E-Harmony. I have plenty to say about my experiences with online dating websites but I’ll save that for a future post entitled “Online dating turned me into a bitter old hag!” or something along those lines 😉

Moving on! Being stood up was actually the best thing that ever happened to me because I discovered that hey, it’s pretty awesome going to movies alone! I can sit wherever I want, however I want, laugh loudly at the funny parts, cry at the sad parts, and most importantly, accidentally drop popcorn down my shirt and fetch it without some guy next to me thinking I’m coming on to him. During Marvel superhero movies, I’ve been known to giggle, fidget, hoot, clap, guffaw and yes, snort! Now that I’ve admitted I do all that, it’s possible that a man will never ask me out again, but that’s his loss, not mine.

From seeing movies alone I progressed to going to dinner alone and all that led to me eventually feeling more content when I took my trips to New England alone. I’ve had people tell me that I’m brave for doing so much alone and that they could never do it, but honestly, if I can do it, anyone can.

I’m not saying that I believe that humans are meant to be solitary beings. I think we all deserve that special someone who understands who we are as an individual and who loves every quirk, twitch, and snort about us. What I am saying is that we should never settle for someone we know is wrong for us just to keep from being alone. Loving and knowing yourself is the most important thing you can do for any type of relationship. Dating yourself is important too because it means you can snarf an entire piece of chocolate cake for dessert at a restaurant and not worry what your date thinks, even when the server looks at you funny 😉

Redefining the Single Woman

As someone familiar with online dating sites, I’ve gotten the impression that there are certain assumptions about single women, especially those on online dating sites. There seems to be the assumption that they must be desperate, picky, looking for sex, only attractive in still photos…or all of the above.

I have been rather surprised to discover that single men my age want a woman my age (though usually younger) who doesn’t have kids. I don’t really know how many women my age don’t have children. I only know my circumstances. I get that a lot of men aren’t into the idea of “the whole package” that already includes kids. Their profile says they “want kids someday” but apparently, those kids have to be genetically there’s in order to fit the bill. They’re entitled to their preferences just as I’m entitled to mine.

I do wonder though, does anyone really understand how many dimensions there are to today’s “single woman”? There are so many reasons why a woman is still single and I assure you, there’s nothing wrong or broken about being a single woman. A woman might be single because:

She’s so busy with her career she knows it would be unfair to attempt any sort of romantic relationship.

She suffers from unrequited love and chooses being alone over trying to find someone else she knows she’ll never love.

She endured an unhappy marriage and has no desire to venture down that road again.

She prefers the company of her pets because they don’t mind that she hangs out in yoga pants even when not doing yoga.

She loves the feel of having a bed all to herself.

She doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone else for why she does what she does.

The idea of being ignored on “game day” really doesn’t appeal.

She has children and she doesn’t want to introduce them to men who won’t stick around.

She’s never actually tried “the bar scene” and has absolutely no desire to.

She’s waiting for the tragic…er romantic comedy that is her life to have its happy ending.

She figures if playing “hard to get” is the way to win a guy then playing “impossible to get” should lure the entire male population.

She likes never worrying that she’ll fall into the toilet in the middle of the night because the seat is up.

Men are too blind to see what an amazing creature she is and how deserving she is of love.

There was no real rhyme or reason to any of that. Just the musings of a single woman with a talent for observing the world around her. Agree or disagree, call the reasons bitter, cliché, stereotypical or outright ridiculous but I bet they ring true for some other single gals out there. I will tell you this though; today’s single chick is one tough cookie that comes from her own unique and beautiful recipe.