Just because

One of my two male ruby throated hummingbirds keeping his eye on me.

One of my two male ruby throated hummingbirds keeping his eye on me this evening.

I wear a sterling silver key pendant with a small heart set sideways at its end. It was a gift from my mother several years ago and I’ve been wearing it every day since. At night I tuck it under my pillow so it’s close by and easy to put back on when I wake up.

It is the key to my heart and thus far, I haven’t found the right one to claim it. It is also a symbol of my eternal belief in love and that someday the right man for me will find me. I do not spend my days obsessing over said man (I used to) because that does no good. When the time is right, he’ll come into my life. Until then and even after that, I am grateful for all the blessings in my life. I have two beautiful daughters, I’m in good health, I have a great family, I own my own home and I’m making a career as a writer. I am not incomplete but there is something missing.

Though the key pendant was a gift from my mother, it makes me think of my father too. The key unlocks my heart but is closely guarded by my father’s spirit. He knows that it will take a good man with a great heart and a man as unconditionally loving of me as he was to win my love. He and I both know that I deserve nothing less.

For reasons I don’t entirely understand myself, I recently felt compelled to make a beaded chain for my key pendant. A very understandable reason was that my current silver rope chain and clasp kept pulling out my hair when it gets caught. But as that’s been happening for years, that’s not really the reason I created my own chain. I did it just because. Just because I felt in my heart that now was the right time to do it.

I knew I wanted it to be made with silver themed beads but that’s all I knew. When I was visiting my mother on Wednesday, I sat down in one of the chairs of her sunroom, pulled out my beads and just started working. The design came to me pretty quick. I chose silver mirror bugle beads interspersed with cobalt blue seed beads, all worked up with brick stitch. I could’ve simply strung beads onto thread or wire and been done with it but I wanted something woven, made with care and 100% unique. I was quite pleased with the end result!

My new beaded chain, key pendant holder and funky clasp design.

My new beaded chain, key pendant holder and funky clasp design.

I used a lobster clasp to hold the key pendant so I can change out charms or put the key on other chains I design. Oh yes, I’ll be making more chains, this is just the beginning!

When my project was finally finished, I went out onto my deck to take some photos of me wearing the new chain. As I sat out there, I heard the hummer approach and I then remained very still. One of my two hummingbird males came and landed, drank a little, looked at me, looked around, drank some more and left.

He's such a proud little thing!

He’s watching me again.

Handsome profile!

Handsome profile!

I smiled as I watched him. After he flew off, I took a couple photos of myself and then just sat there for a while enjoying the relative quiet of the evening.

Wearing my new beaded chain and my key charm.

Wearing my new beaded chain and my key pendant.

When I came back inside and started writing this I heard a hummingbird land on my feeder. I turned to look and was elated to see that it was a female hummingbird! I saw her for the first time earlier today but didn’t have my camera handy. This time I was ready and snapped a picture before she flew off. I’m guessing all of her hummer babies have now left the nest so hopefully I’ll be seeing more of her from now on.

Female hummingbird. Note the lack of ruby-colored throat seen on males.

Female hummingbird. Note the lack of ruby-colored throat seen on males.

I took seeing her as a very good omen of course and higher power approval of my latest creation. I adore my new chain and I’m proud of myself for creating exactly what I wanted even though I didn’t quite understand why I wanted it. As July draws to a close, I’ve decided I’m going to venture into the new month doing more things “just because” my heart, spirit and/or the powers that be tell me too.

With this post I’ve made up for missing one entry this month so I’ve now accomplished my task of writing in my blog every day in July. At least that’s how my math works 😉

A land of shale and water

Now a little trickle, a few days ago, a river.

Now a little trickle, a few days ago, a river.

This past Monday it rained here…a lot! It was the most rain I’ve seen since I moved into this area over a decade ago. The ceiling in my kitchen started dripping in the morning and didn’t stop until the evening when the rain finally slowed down. I’d known the roof needed some work but that never-ending rain pushed it beyond its limits.

The dripping in my kitchen was nothing compared to the overflowing waters of the numerous creeks in the area. Main Street of where I live is in a valley and it was totally flooded over with muddy water from the creek that kept being added to by the constant deluge. The creek and streams grew so swollen that a portion of the road right down from me was completely washed away!

I decided Jazz and I would go survey the damage on our walk today. I don’t often walk that particular road because it tends to be busy but I figured this was a good time to make an exception. The road down from me is still closed as they make repairs and when I saw the damage, I completely understood why. I’ve walked by that little creek that runs under the road but that little creek had been given so much power by the rain, it decided to take the whole road down with it.

Road crews building the road back up and rerouting drainage.

Road crews building the road back up and rerouting drainage.

There’s a lot of shale in this area and it moves, slides and crumbles easily under the light feet of squirrels in certain gullies. The overflowing water had no trouble carving right through it and washing it wherever it wanted to go. Into the road, down driveways, along shoulders and under pavement.

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IMAG2052

Jazz and I surveyed the damage along the road and while most of it has been cleaned up, it was still easy to imagine how awful it had all been during the storm. Personally, I’ve had enough rain for quite some time and think it would be far more useful in the drought-ridden areas of the world!

Solving mysteries

Have you ever known in your gut that something is true but you just can’t find tangible evidence of that truth? I hear and read so often how your heart knows the truth but your mind muddles it all up (I’m paraphrasing a bit) and I believe that.

Finding the truth and solving mysteries would be so much simpler if you could ask the spirits of those who had passed specific questions. The spirits who watch over me do their best to show me signs but signs are difficult to translate into sensible clues that have bearing on the real world.

I’m seeking a single answer to a questions but in order to find it I have to sift through mountains of information, some of it relevant, some of it not. It’s a mind-boggling undertaking but long overdue and I won’t quit until I find proof of the answer that my heart already knows.

Solving mysteries is not my strongest point and I usually skip to the end of mystery novels to avoid hurting my brain. As I don’t quite know what the end of the book is here, I’ll continue reading the story page by page.

Having Faith is a History Worth Repeating (re-post)

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Sometimes I feel a keen sense of deja vu in my life, as in I’ve been in this particular loop of events or emotions before. I scold myself because I’m supposed to learn from my experiences and not repeat the same mistakes but I’m human and I slip up. Luckily, I have my past self to go back and seek advice from and remind myself that there are things in life that are actually worth repeating.

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Having Faith is a History Worth Repeating 1/8/2013

History tends to repeat itself. Not just in big world events but in our lives and personal relationships. Sometimes it is a positive and beneficial thing and sometimes it is a negative and detrimental thing. Preventing history from repeating itself is definitely possible in certain circumstances. If we keep making the same mistakes and not learning the life lesson intended from the first time we made those mistakes, then we’re allowing history to repeat itself. There are however many times when there’s nothing we can do to stop history from cycling through again in an all too familiar way and that can prove rather frustrating.

As much as many of us might wish it were otherwise, we can’t control the universe. There are some who can quite possibly see the future but that doesn’t mean they can really do anything to change it. What if the very thing they do to change the future creates that unwanted future? It is a conundrum often repeated in science fiction stories and movies and for good reason. Humans don’t like feeling helpless. Uncertainty causes worry and fear and those are emotions no one truly enjoys. But accepting that certain things are beyond our control isn’t easy to swallow either. This is where faith comes in…

Faith is the belief that somehow things will all work out regardless of what we do or do not do. This is not a force that will somehow pay your bills if you don’t send the money, that sort of thing is wholly within our control and should not be left up to the universe. Faith is a force for much bigger things. It and hope are what we cling to in our darkest hours when things look bleak and full of despair. If we do not hold on to that small sliver of belief that things will be okay somehow then we have given up and that accomplishes nothing. 

It is not just unseen forces that one need have faith in. Having faith in those who love us and believing that they will help us through our struggles is just as important.  A tangible strength and support is a different level of comfort and reassurance than blind faith. If we start to doubt that those who love us will be there for us, then it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as we push them away for fear that they’ll abandon us eventually anyway. Not all of our loved ones will be there for us but those who are loyal without falter are the ones that truly matter in the bigger scheme of things.  Having this sort of history with people makes for an enduring repetitive experience and creates the ties that truly bind us all together.

Smiles and sunshine every day!

Jaycie blowing out her birthday cake candles.

Jaycie blowing out her birthday cake candles.

Today was my youngest daughter’s 8th birthday. For the rest of time, I will tell Jaycie the story of her birth. How she kicked and hiccuped through labor and even as I pushed her out and how the nurses found that fascinating! She didn’t do anything “by the book” from day one and that’s a true trait of every Corbin-blooded female.

Jaycie hugging her Sofia the First doll still in the package.

Jaycie hugging her Sofia the First doll still in the package.

As soon as she learned how to smile, Jaycie woke up every morning and from every nap smiling! She’s always been a very happy child and she’s a ray of sunshine on even the roughest days. She’s unique among all her other family members and not just because she’s the only one with the combination of blond hair and blue eyes.

The Pinkie Pie pillow her older sister Jordan handmade for her.

The Pinkie Pie pillow her older sister Jordan handmade for her.

 

She’s been receiving therapy since she was two and a half years old because she’s developmentally delayed and when any new therapists ask for descriptions of her, the first thing that always comes into my mind is “She’s just Jaycie!” That’s the only category and diagnosis she belong in, as far as I’m concerned. She’s my Jaycie Bear, my special miracle and one of the two biggest blessings in my life, my beautiful daughters.

Jaycie holding up her new Scooby-Doo toys and Jordan looking on.

Jaycie holding up her new Scooby-Doo character and Jordan looking on.

Trailblazer Jordan and The Path of Destiny!

ganondagan sign

The Ganondagan State Historic Site in Victor, NY covers a decent piece of land complete with a longhouse, visitors, center, fields of crops and nature trails. After the girls and I walked through the longhouse during the Native American Dance & Music Festival, we came out the other side to find a canopy set up with chairs and tables. At one of the those tables they were selling ice cold bottles of water and I thought that was a strange location for that.

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Girls walking toward the longhouse.

girls by longhouse

Standing by longhouse entrance.

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Inside the longhouse.

longhouse1

We walked away from the longhouse toward more of the educational plaques around the property and Jordan pointed out that there was the beginning of a hiking trail nearby. She said “let’s go on the trail!” and I said sure. I figured it was a trail that looped back around at some point and came out at a different location near the longhouse. So off we went!

Sign explaining the trail.

Sign explaining the trail.

The trail was quite lovey and well-shaded with tall trees. Some parts of it were a bit too steep for Jaycie to navigate alone so I held her hand whenever she needed help.

girls on trail1 girls on trail

We’d been walking for 10-15 minutes when I began to doubt my assumption that the trail looped back around. We just kept heading further and further out. All the groups of people ahead of us gave up and turned back but we kept on, certain that the trail had to end back at Ganondagon. I really should have known better because I have a horrible sense of direction and propensity for becoming lost.

Girls reading one of the signs explaining the nearby plants.

Girls reading one of the signs explaining the nearby plants.

Jaycie and I continued to follow Jordan as she blazed the trail ahead. I had to periodically ask her to stop as Jaycie couldn’t go that fast. We kept coming across wooden plank paths over muddier parts of the trail where I’d go first and Jaycie would follow, holding both my hands as I stretched them behind me for her to use as balance aids. By 25 minutes in, I was getting a little grumbly at Jordan for leading us on this adventure and Jaycie was tired and hot.

Jordan leading the way on the trail.

Jordan leading the way on the trail.

 

After 40 minutes of walking with no sign of the civilization, I finally pulled out my phone and opened up my maps program to see where we were. I was rather dismayed to see that we were a fair distance from the Ganondagon site and continuing to head further away. I now doubted the path ever looped around so Jaycie and I took a seat on a log bench while Jordan went a little further while remaining in sight. She didn’t find anything that looked like an ending so after a brief rest, we headed back the way we had come.

On our way back across the wooden planks.

On our way back across the wooden planks.

By this point we were all hot, tired and sweaty as the temperature and humidity had risen even among the shady trees. I asked Jordan to help her sister on the way back so I could lead the way and make sure we were going the right way with my GPS. We eventually found ourselves back at the trail we’d first started on and I suddenly understood the reason for that table selling ice cold water bottles. I bought one for each of us and we gulped them down as we walked back into the longhouse to enjoy the shade and breeze inside it.

Jordan grumbled a bit about the fact that Jaycie and I will never let her live that little adventure down but in reality, it was good for all of us. We got some exercise, learned about native plants and trees and had ample quality time together. I hadn’t planned on going hiking and getting that disheveled and sweaty but you only get one go round in this life so it’s best to stuff it with as many experiences as possible. Jordan was just leading us exactly where we were supposed to go, on the path of destiny!

Hawk in the sky beyond the longhouse before we headed off. A sign I was heading the right way ;)

Hawk in the sky beyond the longhouse before we headed off. A sign I was heading the right way 😉

The Power of Three

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One of my favorite shows was/is Charmed. It’s a show about three sister witches who, when they combine their magical powers, are an unstoppable force against evil. This combined force is called The Power of Three.

My two daughters and I possess our own Power of Three and it has wondrous and magical properties. Together we can face and overcome any challenge and our love makes us stronger every day.

Today we went to the Native American Festival at Ganondagan in Victor, NY. We had some rather unexpected and interesting adventures that I’m too tired to share now but through it all, we were a united trio. Spending time with my girls always reminds me how blessed I am to have them. We make each other laugh, we indulge in the fine art of sarcasm and we hold hands to stick together when the trail gets challenging.

We are a formidable trio with a Power of Three capable of overcoming any force that tries to rise against us. Never mess with a Corbin woman because trust me, she’s got some kickbutt family back up 😉