Weekends without my girls are always much quieter than weekends with them. I miss the sound of their voices filling my little house and the unique conversations we share. It used to be that I worked very hard to fill every silent moment with something. I feared silence because silence meant I was alone and I didn’t yet understand the difference between being alone and being lonely.
I used to text friends non-stop or write long emails just so I’d feel like someone was hearing my voice, even if I never said a word aloud. Filling my time with that type of mental noise drove the feeling of loneliness away but it was only temporary because I didn’t know how to be okay alone. It’s taken me some time but I feel I am all right alone and that I can finally embrace the silence and use it to center myself.
What I’ve discovered as I step further away from the texting and the emailing is that there’s actually no such thing as silence and that when I stop to listen, I’m never alone and have no right to feel lonely. There are people in this world that know me and care about me and should I need them, they’ll answer my call. There are also higher powers in this universe that are always with me, just waiting for me to discover the right way to hear them. The only way to truly listen is to be silent.
Despite the occasional gusts of wind outside making my wind chimes sing, tonight has been very quiet. A slow snow is falling so I decided to go outside and take some pictures. There is great serenity in the sound of falling snow. While the wind can roar, howl and moan, snowflakes descending from the sky are blissfully silent when undisturbed by winter breezes.
When I wasn’t crunching through the snow in my boots, I enjoyed the soft whisper of the falling snow when I’d pause in my yard to take photos. The light from the distant ski hill offered enough of a glow to help me navigate in the dark and my flash made occasional bursts of white as I snapped pictures.
While winter will never be my favorite season, I’m learning that fighting it, complaining about it and disliking it has no power and only leads to frustration. It will take time, just as learning to embrace silence took time, but I will eventually find a way to embrace winter and truly see it as another beautiful example of nature’s humbling magic.