I spend most of my days writing articles I can never take credit for but I find fulfillment in it. It’s helping me pursue my own dreams instead of working for someone else who may or may not even have a dream worth pursuing. Obviously I’m not doing this kind of writing for fame and fortune since no one knows it’s me and I only get paid pennies a word. It’s part of a bigger picture, a long-term goal, an achievement of a dream that started almost two years ago during my first visit to Massachusetts.
My crazy dream/goal is to live in Massachusetts for five days a week every other week. This sort of schedule wouldn’t interfere with the custody arrangements I have for my girls and it would grant me an escape into the state I love a couple of times a month. Now that I’ve stayed just over the border in New Hampshire, I would be okay living there but I would always be “border jumping” a few minutes south into Massachusetts.
The loftiest realization of this dream would be somehow having enough money to afford a house in the North Shore area. Having looked into the prices of homes in that area, that would require me coming into substantial funds, ie becoming a best-selling author. That is also a dream of mine, so that lofty success isn’t out of the question, but at my core I am a simple woman with simple needs. All I require is a bed to sleep in, a bathroom, a kitchen to cook, bake and endlessly experiment in, and room for Jazzmin and her crate and I will be content. I’ve looked into apartments in the area but they too are far outside my means. So for now I’ll continue to book a cheap hotel room every couple of months and drive out.
This might sound like a peculiar dream for a girl who was born and raised in Upstate New York. Why am I not content where I am? I am to an extent. My girls are here and they fulfill me in ways nothing else ever can but as I’ve said on numerous occasions, I don’t fit in here. Following my divorce, I’ve felt even more like the off-colored sheep that doesn’t belong with the rest of the flock. When I go to Massachusetts, none of my past follows me because all anyone sees is the present me, the optimistic me, the me who gets happily lost wherever she goes and can’t navigate traffic circles or roundabouts worth a darn.
When I achieve my MA dream (that’s right I said WHEN) I will continue to pursue the rest of my dreams just as I do now. I have accomplished so much already, more than I ever imagined I could. I continually prove to myself that making any dream come true is within my means as long as I am persistent and forever stubbornly determined…in my usual adorably clumsy way.